HUG A TREE

when i was too little to understand feelings i read somewhere that if you got too emotionally laden you could diffuse them by simply hugging a tree. "what stupidity!" i thought then. but trust me, it works. i just happened to do just that several years later when i had this HUGE crush on somebody and didn't tell anybody, save a few close friends, about the craze....it helped me to safely discard the time-bomb in me that went tick-tick........ there was also this other instance when i was so full of frustration and anger that i ran to a tree and gave this enormous bear hug. i felt like my emotions were washed away and replaced with the yearning to forgive. trees seem to have some kind of healing power. don't know if it's the aura we've got that helps us stay tuned with mother earth or it's just a feeling of security we get when we hug something that has life........hmmm, or maybe it's just me losing my marbles!

P.S.: maybe i should start a "hug-a-tree" therapy once i'm a qualified shrink........

THE HOSTEL TOUR

yesterday was simply marvellous!...we went for the 2007 year hostel tour and rocked.....all that dancing and singing and acting stupid was fun....
the sun-kissed beach: we jumped when the waves hit the shore and splashed water on each other.........stood on the rocks and took snaps......wrote names on the mud before the waves could wash it off(i even drew a heart with an arrow stuck in it)..........sang like drunkards just like shipwrecked pirates.....
lunch: we sat down beside a small church and had lunch, and then sat on the high rocks and watched the crows come down at the sight of abandoned food and occasionally threw stones at them if they got too near........
jew's village: saw a lot of "strange" people......couldn't categorize them as such.......looked like north indians, spoke both malayalam and broken english, and were rumoured to have jewish blood......there were also a lot of foreigners (who weren't dressed decently enough to enter the holy place of worship of the jewish people)..........the accessories were great but costed the earth....
boating and willington island: saw a lot of large cargo ships and navy ships......saw the vehicle that was built during the indian-pak war and was programmed to set-off missiles.....saw dolphins(greyish-blue ones) which is usually a rare sight and made us all shout with glee....went to the loermost cabin on the boat with two other conspirators and re-emerged outside(through a small hole in the cabin) so that we were able to lean against the lower-most railing and almost touch the sea water(we were nearly grounded for that.....our guide was scared to death man!.........he said that if the police sees it, they'd send him to jail).....

SUCKER!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about “suckers”, lately…you know, those kind of people who’d do anything to be influential and famous and admired by everyone and anyone and try to be the centre of attraction, all at once….they come in many forms, mind you….
Type A (the beggar):
I’ll do anything for you, provided you loooooooveeeee me ….and hey, you can use me as your door mat too to rub your feet on….i’ll do anything my love but just give me a little of your love….pleeeeeease! (yuck!sucks big time!)

Type B (the joker):

I'm ready to make myself a fool in front of everybody and anybody...hey, what better and easier way of being popular....i mean nobody can forget about the funny guy/gal who pokes jokes on others even though it hurts others at times....and you don't need brains for it...... (get a life, man!)

Type C (the false egoist):

The world is waiting for a dynamic person like me....i'm beautiful, talented and have the charm....everybodyelse is dumb, stupid and ugly......just one smile, a simple word and that guy/gal will fall at my feet..... (have a good look at your inner self and you'll realise how ugly you actually are!)

Type D (the diplomat):

you flatter me and make me known, and i'll do the same for you....(you're wasting your time)

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living with psychotis and neurotics

AWWWW! it's an effort to write in my blog nowadays.for one thing, i can't think properly.(must be having some kind of thought disorder, or is it because i had to take a detailed seminar on thought disorders, i'm thinking that way?) another reason is, i don't really know how safe it is to write things on the blog anymore?....i mean, it's real creepy and utterly confusing.....anyways, here goes........(holding my breath)..today was an awesome day...especially when considering the fact that we had two sucking tests, a confusing practical assignment to complete, and i had an impossible seminar to take and all of us got through it without much of a fuss....well, like they say, "all's well that end's well"...the crowning glory came when Mr. Doctor(don't mistake him for my family doctor...Mr.Doctor is a qualified doctor and a fellow classmate) gave us all a treat at the end of the day......Mr.Optimistic was particularly funny too today....apart from a few comments that totally changed my mood(aha, dark clouds gathering in the sky!), i'll never forget those innocent round eyes that questioningly looked at the rest of us while we were in fits of laughter because of the entire absurdity of the situation........

well, it all began when we were dreading to write a test on the central nervous system(coz we hadn't prepared for it, as usual)...when we suggested to the teacher in-charge that we'd simply discuss what we've learnt (we ended up reading out everything from the assignment sheet we were all clinging on to like dear life ) and help each other out if one of us missed a particular point.....Mr. Optimistic had no idea about what was written where...poor thing.....when asked to list out the functions of the central nervous system, he says in a hesistant small voice,"1st function....m.......hmmm..........motor function" and tries to get a secretive peep into Mr.Doctor's laptop..........when the teacher in-charge smiles knowingly and says , " be more clear about it"(as in, please elaborate), the great Mr. Optimistic clears his throat, sits up straight and says,......." MOTOR CO-ORDINATION".......awww man! the entire situation and atmosphere seemed so funny and ridiculous that all of us, including the teacher who vowed to keep her face straight, were howling.......

i even played a nice game of badminton after coming back from college......with my hands windmilling in opposite directions, i managed to hit the cursed cock a good number of times.....hurray!!.........and now, it's about time to snuggle in bed and read the book my big bro gifted me......ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

AN ORDINARY DAY

today was a really ordinary day...missed the morning prayer as usual and tried hard hiding behind dharshana so that sister(bless her name) won't ask why i wasn't there for the morning prayer...tried to swallow the upumau that threatened to get stuck in my throat like fevicol...stuffed all the books on my table and hurried off to college...slept in class with my eyes open...and freaked around when teachers were not around (my classmates are simply cool in that aspect)...

the last two lab hours weren't so bad though...our teacher in-charge made the big mistake of leaving us all alone in the lab...that's when everyone started being REALLY innovative...my contribution was a drawing on kiran's stinking feet(ugh!)...told him not to take a bath before taking a nice clear picture of my work of art...

P.S. : special thanks to kiran for giving me the permission to publish the picture of his "royal" feet...

BACK TO COLLEGE LIFE!

since classes have started and i'm back in college, i can't help but think of a list of things to write posts on...i've got a whole new bunch of classmates now(i.e. almost-two of them were my old classmates), and it's like starting all over again... somehow everything is different, even though the college is the same...for one thing, there's just 11 of us, all seated around a single large table, very much like a conference table, with the teacher seated at the head. another major difference is that we've got to take classes since each of us are assigned a topic in every subject and are given marks on the basis of the seminars we present and the assignments we submit. since most of us are taking our first blundering steps in this area, there's quite a lot of funny things happening during each presentation if one is able to look at the humourous side of it...maybe i shouldn't speak out my mind at the moment...don't wanna make enemies of the few new friends i've just got...that ain't right...

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night!

well, it's time to go back to the place i call my third home... surprisingly technology finds it hard to thrive there and whatever techie advancements are being made, slowly deteoriates...frequent power cuts, the motor out of order, phone always dead, computer almost NEVER works...the list can go on. to top it all, none of us are allowed to use any kind of electronic gadgets unless we've got to do calculations (red lights-EMERGENCY!!!woooouuwww woooouuuwww) and are in need of the calculator. sniff!!sniff!!!i'm gonna embrace the pre-historic means of communication for a few months(till christmas hols starts). uga buga ega!
GOD HELP ME!

YOU HYPOCRITE!!!

the priest: "please repeat the prayer after me...it's the Lord's prayer...say it with your heart..."

priest: OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN

yo hoooo, is anybody home...(waving hands)

priest: HALLOWED BE THY NAME

o yea, hi ya!

priest: THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE

u've got a gr8 kingdom out there, and is it ur will that i remain all cooped up at home doing absolutely nothing?

priest: ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

oh gr8! u'll allot a room for me in heaven(after i die) and command that i stay there and go nowhere else

priest: GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD

and by the way, once i go back to the hostel, i'm in great need of good food,

priest: AND FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES

i've done a lot of sins, i know,

priest: AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US

and don't forgive me the way i forgive my offenders. it's as good as turning your back away from me and walking away

priest: AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION

awwww, how i feel like giving that snobbish girl a biting remark!

priest: BUT DELIVER US FROM ALL EVIL. AMEN.

but if you think it'll get me into trouble, aaahhhh forget it, i've got enough and more problems to deal with. amen. (can i do it anyways, huh, huh?)

priest: GLORY BE TO THE .......

i make the sign of the cross and join my hands in prayer with a quirky smile....

i'll do it anyways, she deserves it don't you think...i mean, seriously, who does she think she is,...and by the way, i forgot to say, love ya!

the priest: GOOD! NEXT TIME YOU SAY THE "OUR FATHER" SAY IT SLOWLY AND WITH SOME MEANING IN IT! WE ARE NOT MACHINE-GUNS...

THE DAY I DANCED WITH MUM

when mum decided to move to the hostel i vehemently rebelled. i couldn't even imagine my mum staying in the hostel with me for 3 whole months (the last 3) and that too in the same place as my friends. mum staying with me would mean answering questions like, "aren't you feeling well?", "is she staying to make sure you study for the final exams?", "don't you guys have a home out there?", "is your mum planning to be a nun and stay with the sisters here?", etc...well, for those who don't know, this is the true story: i've been becoming progressively weaker and was finding it difficult to find proper iron, vitamins, minerals, proteins, carbohydrates, etc. needed to recuperate in the food served in the hostel...nothing serious really. everyone else seemed to be surviving and i could've done it on my own, if i tried just a little bit more. and there were just 3 to 4 months left. i could've held on. but the final decision was made, when i came home for christmas holidays and my pap and mum saw that i was more or less walking around like an anaemic zombie (do zombies have blood, by the way?). mum tried reasoning with me by pointing out to the fact that i needed her and that with my final and most important exams (of degree) round the corner, i'll be needing extra help and support. when i broke the news to my friends all of them were shocked. nobody's mum, in the entire hostel history, stayed with her daughter to look after her. if somebody is unwell, they'd either be taken home or discontinue the course or...anything else but this. since the hostel is particularly meant for the students studying in our college, i winced when thinking about what would happen if my juniors got to know. here i am, a girl in her final year and in the senior-most batch, being looked after by her mum. what depressed me the most was the fact that i would have to renounce all my "bad" deeds and act like a saint in front of mum(wings, halo and all). the thought of sitting in my room with mum and only studying 24/7 was horrifying. ofcourse, that was what everybody was expected to do with all the workload we had (project work, practicals, notes to submit, seminars to present, and worst of all, exams to prepare for). but that's not how my brain works. while studying, i've got to walk around to refresh my brains, crack a joke or two, shout at somebody, make the nerds of my class tense by telling them that i've studied more or know more(when in actual fact it's far from the truth), sneak to my gang's meeting place and play cards(a thing i've got seriously addicted to)etc...

MONTHS LATER......

my exams got over a few months back, my results came out two months back and i'm doing Master's (Post Graduation) now. Writing about mum's stay in the hostel will take a long time and effort. But i just want to fill in the gap by saying that i've been closing my eyes to all what my mum did for me and for my family. it makes my eyes water just thinking about what she went through when she was my age, about the things she is willing to go through even now for the sake of the family's peace and about the things she thinks she's protecting me from... understanding your own parents may be difficult, but it's always nice to keep in mind that, whatever said and done, they deserve atleast a little respect from us...i got amazing marks at the end-just a few marks behind those of the top rankers...and when the others congratulate me and remark on how awesome my marks are, i can't help saying "thankyou mum"...

P.S.-why the title?well i started writing this post to just mention about the day i and my mum did this small dance jig together...but then there was a long break and i had to either continue writing about it or completely delete the post...i didn't feel like doing the latter and so i made a hasty ending...i didn't feel like erasing the title either...he he...i can be sentimentally odd at times, i know...

THE TAGGY BUG AGAIN!

My big bro tagged me (Rejoy is his name, for those who don't know). i've got to write seven very interesting things about me, myself and i. okay brain cells, let's exercise...1, 2 ,3 gooooooo......

1) i'm a lefty...i've written about it already and i'm not going to bore you with the details again.

2) i've got a peculiar type of reading disability...can't understand anything related to studies, you see...unless it's one week before the final exams...

3) i like to wish on the stars...did it work?....hmmm, dunno i never cud remember any of the wishes i made...

4) people say i look like a brainy and the kind of person who likes to study even when the only time i use my study materials is when i need to rest my head on something and sleep without a guilty conscience ( you can't say i didn't try )

5) i've got teeth that resembles those of bugs bunny

6) i sleep for half the day and for the rest half, walk in a trance...yea, i'm addicted to sleep...i've even slept through the most interesting classes in college...there was this another incident in which we had a major inter-collegiate singing competition and i slept through the last rehearsal my group did just minutes before going on-stage...boy!were the rest of them mad at me or what!

7) cards and music are my weak points...

okie dokie...now it's my turnie....i tag (drum beats).... maggie (atleast in this way you'll post something), ram(told ya i'll get back at ya), edwin (hey, go on write please?), shrutz (strike the right chords and make music), kedhar(haven't heard from you for a long time), rose(sorry, didn't have anyone else to tag), peenuts (ata boy!)....

Gosh! i'll just get over with it now... Mr.Ram tagged me for everybody's kind information and so here goes...

1. Which song is being played in your mind rite NOW?


Ordinary Day-Vanessa Carlton....Why? coz i'm BORED!


2. One song that describes your life.... (no self made compositions please!)


Time of Your Life-Green Day...Why again? i seem to be wishing everyone around me the best, and all of them seem to be getting what they want while i'm stuck here in a place i very much want to get away from.

3. The song you listen to most on your i-pod/ MP3/ cell/ PC/ etc


Breathless-the corrs... why yet again?i never get bored of the beats

4. A song that describes best the following stages in your life:
School days - as long as you love me - BSB
Friends - wannabe-by spice girls
Your mood rite now - Numb - linkin park

5. Your all time favorite song, and the reason for it... maybe some memory/ some funny story/etc!!!

1000 miles-Vanessa Carlton...naaa, not giving the reason for this one

6. A song you wish you hadn't heard!!!

can't think of any right now....bang!bang! sorry but my brains ain't working

7. A song that would best describe..... me (hey, I took pains to tag you, I guess I deserve this ;-) )

Hey there delilah-Plain White T's...tis the kind of song i suppose, u wud sing 2 ur girlfriend...the singer sounds oh sooooo lazy but genuine...

8. (I just cudn't miss this!!!) If you were in an elevator with Himesh Reshammiya and Altaf Raja, you would..........(plz plz plz..... something funny!!!)
naaaa, i'm findin it difficult to b funny @ da moment...have no clue who they r....n soo i'm not answerin this one....

hehe now here goes...
i'm gonna tag ajan and rose (ur turn big sissy. let's make this grand)

WHY DO WE SMILE OR LAUGH?

SCENE 1

bringing a cute kid to a girl's -only hostel is the biggest mistake a mum can do to her kid. well, it so happened that once while me and my buddies were sitting down to have tea, in comes the hero of the day- bright pink cheeks, a winning smile, eyes you could simply drown yourself into, and a cute chuckle that made us all go ga-ga. we crowded round the unfortunate little baby and tried making it laugh and play and make gurgling sounds. looking back at the incident, i can't help but wonder if the adorable little baby got all muddled up about how somebody ought to communicate..."i did all this and mum told me to speak more clearer with proper manners"...

all of us try to make it laugh but none of us suceeds. my buddy sree(the laziest of us) says, "oh shucks! dunno why all of you are actually bothering to make it smile. they say babies smile only if they are frightened." i look at her and roll my eyes with the remark,"you're just lazy to make it laugh". Just then shru gives the baby her million dollar smile (braces and all), and those delicate lips curl at the edges, those misty eyes twinkles and we hush up to see those pink cheeks glow and listen to it laugh...for an entire minute the cute thing was brave enough to sustain that smile...and then, to our horror Mr. Baby crumbles it's face and lets out a heart wrenching wail...wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! "told ya" murmurs sree.



SCENE 2

i'm walking in the streets of bangalore with big bro and we exchange important information...we talk about various things we've observed in life, about what we would like to do and be....big bro gives me advice about how guys actually feel about girls and at the same time asks me genuine doubts about why girls act really peculiar at times. "you know what? i've noticed that girls laugh to impress guys and indicate to them that they are interested and not because they think what the guys say is funny."says big bro in a philosophical tone. that statement startles me and i go back to the moments i laughed at silly jokes and unconsciously prayed that none of the guys i laughed with thought the same. i shake my head but don't know what to say because i've never thought of it that way...maybeee.....afterall didn't Frued say we've got unconscious biological drives in all of us....i give my head a thorough shake to clear my head of those thoughts...if i dwell too much, i very well know that the next time i'm with my friends i'll be smirking at everyone's jokes instead of giving it my all....

SCENE 3
i'm back in college and quite bored with life....all my friends have gone to do their master's some place else, while i'm stuck in the same old college...i stroll outside the library and come face to face with a classmate of mine who i am not very much fond of.....she introduces me to her mum saying, "remember mum, Reni? i've told you a lot about her..." i stretch my lips and try to make the sides of my lips curve to manage to make it atleast look like a smile and at the same time wonder about what nasty things she must've said about me. i was just smiling to look polite.....nothing else...

I'M BACK!!!

hey guys, i'm back.......don't miss me too much....this is an era when people can come back to life and all that shit....yea, was refering to the last book of Harry Potter...i mean, i liked the story line and everything but get real!! coming back to life?!!! Cheero! i still like the book though, coz tis a story in which the Good eventually triumphs.
anyways, i feel like i've resurrected to life...i'm gonna blog as often as i can from now on...i'm still in the hostel, but the comp (in the hostel) is finally working and i can blog away to glory on weekends...

BEING A "LEFTY"

I don't really know when or who first asked the question, "you write and eat with your left hand?". all i know is that i've always been writing, am writing and will be writing with my left hand (unless i break my left hand somehow). my family has accepted me as normal, while my friends in school thought it was totally cool to be a left-hander. there were a few teachers and relatives who thought that i was just being totally fussy and stubborn and that i could've learnt to write with the "proper" hand if i tried. when questioned (when just a kid), i used to feel awkward and look at mum (if she's around). mum would calmly explain that there's nothing wrong in writing with the left hand, and that there are many cases in which people happened to be a left hander... (complete explanation with scientific proof and all). once school was over and i was to settle in the hostel, i vaguely wondered what people there would think. my first meal experience wasn't pleasant. when i sat down with my plate and started to eat(trust me, i felt like i was condemned to the central prison), a few girls noticed something was seriously odd about me (i guess they couldn't point out the oddity right away because i was a completely weird person by nature). after a few silent moments (during which i was trying to eat peacefully and not worry about the futur), one of them says, " you are eating with your left hand!", with an expression that conveyed the message-yew!disgusting! i remember turning all red like a tomato and thanking the heavens above that the lighting system in the hostel is not so good (only later did i know that there were enough tube-lights to brighten up the mess hall, but we are allowed to switch on only 2 of them to save electricity). as all heads turn to me, i act as if i don't care and say casually that there is nothing wrong in being a lefty while inside, i felt like strangling the girl by her throat. inspite of my own stubborness, i eventually learnt how to eat with my right hand (i haven't reached perfection, though...i shove the food inside with my right hand, the way a tractor would shove mud), simply to avoid questions like, "but why do you eat with the left hand when everyone else eats with their right?"....."hhmmm, so does that mean you clean your butt with the right hand?"...."are you a lefty so that people will think you are cool?"..."okay, so that means the right side of your brain works more, huh?"...etc...

there are times when i get totally confused about which hand is which and eat with my left. but now,it does not disturb me anymore when people ask(trust me, most of them are sooooo narrow-minded) because i've reached a stage in which i have a vague idea of what i want to be one day,...and being a righty is not in the list.

THE USES OF NEEM

for months i've been living in every girl's nightmare -the horrors of living with a great infestation of hair-lice. these horrid insects won't simply get off me. what makes matters worse is the fact that my hair has the right environment needed for lice to breed rapidly (at times i go... scratch! scratch! scratch!). so finally, when i came back home after college was done with, one of the first resolutions that my mum made (for me...mum's always doing good things for my sake) was to totally eradicate all those crawling pests in her poor baby's head. i gave in, ofcourse. even i was eager to lead a free life again. but the price i had to pay for it was big. mum got to know from an aunty that neem is good for eradicating lice. putting that tip into practice, would mean to make a paste out of the neem leaves and then apply it on the head for atleast half an hour. since mum knew that walking around with green gooey stuff on my head for half an hour is simply not practical in my case, ("it'll drip down and make the entire place dirty?") she compromised on making me have a hair-bath with it every morning(as in, using the neem leaves' paste as a shampoo). we tried it, and it worked. soon the lice and it's eggs started decreasing in number and it reduced so much that it was difficult to even find one. mum became euphoric when she found how effective neem was and she told it to everybody she interacted with. "all's well that ends well", one would say. but it does not end there....

it so happened that last week i read in the weekend magazine about the different uses of neem, it's importance in ayurvedic medicine and the like. it seems neem is good for the stomach, for mouth hygiene, the skin, the hair,etc....(you wouldn't believe the big list of advantages). i tore off the 4paged article and gave it to mum for keeping (mum beamed at it, the way a child would if a stuffed xmas pappa gave him a present). a few days later, i unconsciously scratch my head while deep in thought and my mum's sharp eyes notes it.

mum: you are scratching your head again.

me: huh?....yea, i was just thinking...you know...scratching my head while deep in thought...to keep my brains working...

mum(doesn't listen to my explanation): i was thinking...maybe you should apply neem on your hair for a few more days, just in case it comes back...we should make sure we've completely eradicated it.

i gloomily look at her realising that she might be right (as always) and at the same time feeling lazy to go through the ritual again. the next day, i wake up to a chirpy morning and go to the kitchen where i catch my mum red-handed munching on neem leaves ("mmmmph...guoof for da fomacch....mmmmfmph"). while munching on the leaves she hands me a bowl with "neem shampoo". i go for the bath and i'm soon covered with green, slimy,gooey stuff, feeling very much like "swamp- thing".

RICKETY- CRICK, RICKETY- CRICK
comb your hair girl!
it'll make you look more like a girl
more neat, like a girl could
more pretty, the way a girl should
more graceful, the way a girl would
comb your hair girl!
RICKETY-CRICK, RICKETY-CRICK

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do not indulge too much in beauty magazines... it'll make you feel ugly.....

living with psychotics and neurotics(part 5)

i never knew what a mime was until i joined college. it all started when the 1st years were asked to perform atleast any one item on stage. while i (a 1st year then) was going through the list of items....dance(i'd most probably be trying desperately to co-ordinate all my body parts at once and not succeed)....music(hmmm, naaa...i just know the basics of the piano....sing a song?ok, provided someone agrees to sing an english one with me)....drama(i'd have to wear a mask to hide the stupid smirk on my face whenever i pronounce malayalam words the wrong way)....kathakali(whatever that is!)....etc....MIME! (what on earth is that!). well, as time was falling short and i had to figure out some way of getting on stage and flourishing some kind of talent (and not embarassing myself at the same time) i started to panic. i remember feeling so left out. it wasn't like this in school...i was totally myself and had no trouble fitting in or being involved, before....but then, that was school and in a totally different country, things are different...

a classmate of mine(a girl who likes bossing people around...she's got a sweet element in her though) walks upto me and asks me if i'm willing to join her. we go around and collect all the girls in our class who aren't involved in any of the items and form a group. i look around and say, "great! now what do we do?".

want to know what happened next?....we went around trying to find out what exactly a mime is, tried to figure out the rules, scratched our heads for a theme, jotted down the role of each character in it, did a little of co-ordination control, and voilà!....we had a mime presentation ready.but we hadn't overcome the greatest challenge - making the audience understand the message we wish to convey. some of our caring friends agreed to sit through the 3mins presentation and comment on it and well,...they didn't understand a thing...

Note: for those wondering what a mime is, here goes:

"acting using only gesture and action: a style of performance in which people act out situations or portray characters using only gestures, facial expressions, and actions. In the popular imagination, mimes are thought of as having a uniform costume that includes black and white horizontal striped clothes, suspenders, a formal black top hat or beret, formal white gloves (to highlight the motions of the hands), and white face paint (similar to that used by a clown), with some accents in black. "

contd...

we tried on new expressions and actions and tried to introduce a little gymnasium into it(which didn't work because none of us had really elegant and flexible bodies) to make the damn thing more understandable. nothing seemed to work though. another fear that crept into me was whether i'd be confident enough to perform it on stage in front of an entire crowd(i've got stage fright)...what was worse, was the fact that i was the main character in each scene, and if i screwed it up, i'll be ruining the entire show, which means we'll be losing points, they'll blame the entire thing on me and.......aaaaaaaahhhhh...i'm in a MESS!. above all, i simply HATED MIME!!

finally, it was time for us to perform, i just closed my eyes, said a prayer, and entered the stage platform...and just did everything i was supposed to....and returned backstage gasping(everyone who performed with me were gasping too, i realised. we were the bunch of kids in class who had very little confidence in ourselves, then.) we got the first place for our presentation(we realised that the 1st years in the other classes were as clueless as us about what exactly a mime is)...

the rest is history....every mime show that came up, i was always involved....later, when i became a senior, i was always the in-charge....

i still don't like and am not interested in mime. i still don't know what the right actions are to be used and the right way to express it is. even now, it's the other people in the group who actually give innovative ideas...ideas more better than my own. but one thing is true. i'm less scared of walking on stage now and that was the first hurdle i had to pass to become more confident and to have faith in myself. i've also learnt a little in group dynamics and socialising from this experience...

and it was my parents' 27th wedding anniversary

when it comes to celebrating anything, my family sucks! be it a b'day or an anniversary or anything. we(pap, mum and myself) "celebrated" my parents' 27th wedding anniversary last friday(1st of june). on the 31st of may, we went out to have a look at our new flat and arrange a few things. by the time we were on our way to have dinner, it was already 11:30pm. since we always eat out on thursdays and fridays, we headed straight for a lebanese restaurant. while we were waiting for the food (i look around and try not to stare at the others....my God!...what gluttons!) my watch makes a beep sound and i realise that it's midnight. "hey, it's pap and mum's anniversary". pap looks the other side and chooses to act like as if he didn't hear what i just said, while, mum gives a nervous laugh (she tried to do what pap did, but i guess she didn't because it would've looked odd since i had barked the flash news at her). when the silence thickens, and we start feeling awkward, mum asks pap, "what do you think of the orgin of the lebanese people?", to which pap and i promptly replies, "they come from lebanon ofcourse!"...

Mum (sniffs indignantly looking at pap): that's not what i meant. you didn't understand my question...

Pap(scrathing his head, acting confused): i'll understand only if you explain.

Mum: i mean, are they the descendants of abraham or...

Pap: don't know whether they are the descendants of abraham or sunny, or jacky or anything..

(for those who don't know pap, pap has a limited knowledge of the bible...like me)

blah, blah, blah.......they argue...and argue...and argue (an argument fit enough to be presented in the court).

i sit back and wonder how pap and mum ever romance...i mean, all these years i looked at them as my parents and not as a man and woman committed to love each other till death. i sigh, because nobody in our family seems to be romantic or anything. all five of us are stiff and rigid when it comes to expressing soft emotions.....

the next day(2nd of june)....

i am online and my big sis pops up(online). i say hi and everything and we decide to speak through the headphones. while i try to settle down my sis "calls" me and i ignore it. after having settled, i "call" her back and we talk.....

while checking my mail the same day, i see a voice mail sent to me by my sis and i curiously open it.....the next 4 mins were moments of revelation!...i realised that when my sis was waiting for me to settle down, she had a small conversation with her husband...and by mistake recorded it and sent it to me as a voice mail (again by mistake)....i grin to myself, and realise that we do belong to the romantic species afterall....it's just that we're all shy to express ourselves...

WELCOME TO tHE WORLD OF FANTASY(part 3)

for all those freaky girls who like to fight and prove themselves!! check out this video...it's simply cool!....mulan's a cute and cool role model....go girl!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64&mode=related&search=

living with psychotics and neurotics(part 4)

It's actually very easy to be a hero. all you have to do is to be in the right place at the right time. i remember once when i was simply lazing around in bed (my favourite idling spot) after dinner and passing idle comments while the rest of them were sitting nearby and talking about the latest gossips of who's going out with whom, and the like, the lights suddenly go off. while all of us curse and say that we were actually planning to study after a few minutes, we suddenly remember that amuru (who's very scared of the dark and yea, who likes imitating the way people walk) wasn't with us. we roar with laughter at first, but then when time passes and there is no sign of her, we start to get worried....i get down from my bed and go in search of her in the dark (couldn't find a torch or candle...not a wonder, considering how messy our room is always!). i start walking fast (now that's a secret,.....i'm scared of the dark myself) and bump into something (oh my God!!! i promise i'll do whatever you want me to do.....please don't let it be a ghost lurking in the dark waiting for it's first victim!). i understand that it's amuru herself! she sobs into my arms and i say, "hey, what are you scared of!! there's certainly no ghost here!! haha...amuru...don't tell me you are scared....!!"

to which, she replies, "not funny, i was all alone here when the lights went off, all alone....sob!....all alone...until you came....sob!.....thanks....sob!".

i roll my eyeballs and i say,"open your eyes you idiot!" and i slowly guide her to my room where the rest of them were waiting. the lights come back and everyone exclaims, "oh!"(amuru still has her eyes shut, and asks, "did the current come back?). when amuru finally opens her eyes she gives me the "mmmyyyyyy-herooooo" look.....

when it was finally time for all of us to part, amuru promises me that she'll remember me everytime there are current cuts at her place (which is always) and that she'll try to be braver....

well, you see....right place, right time...

you can apply it in your love-life too...... for those yearning to win the heart of a hunk or a damsel in distress, just look out for the right place and right time.....and for God's sake, do the right thing too....

P.S.-we didn't even touch our books that day....

living with psychotics and neurotics(part 3)

it was one of those days in which the entire group was feeling lazy and just, well... hanging around. we were all sooooo exhausted (don't remember why) and we thought of simply sitting in the common room after dinner. we were lazily and idly talkin about, well....nothing important. as a few minutes passed by, the other girls (who were as jobless as we were) started gathering around. when the crowd became...well.....crowdy, we thought of indulging in something we all would enjoy (since we were the senior most batch in the hostel it was naturally our responsiblity to entertain the crowd). amuru, the most popular and lovable personality among us in the hostel, steps forward and volunteers to imitate the way certain girls in the hostel walk in the most peculiar way. while she prepares to start "walking the ramp" many shout out names of the girls having the most funniest walks....all off us laugh uproaraiously while the girl being imitated at the moment steams and blushes. from somewhere i hear my name being called, but it somehow doesn't strike me as anything odd. after having imitated one of the teachers none of us were not particularly fond of, amuru starts hopping like a grass-hopper. i laugh my heart off and loudly ask, "who on earth walks like THAT?!!"....the crowd around me roars and i realise that it was me amuru was imitating...for a moment i was shocked...MY GOD!! that's how grass-hoppers would have marched to war!...i then get back to my senses and playfully shake my fist at amuru...aaahhhh! who cares, i've got people who like me for who i am....and that's saying much....

WHO SAID THE YOUNGEST IS THE MOST PAMPERED!!??

i still very clearly and vividly remember the times when i was a little kid and my smart big bro and big sis used to always be the "know-it-alls". poor me used to always lag behind, be it tasks that required cognitive work or motor skills. i remember the times we used to play catch-catch with my cousins, and when nobody used to bother even trying to catch me because they thought i was incompetent (i'd be trying hard to run fast when it is so obvious that with the speed i'm running with, only a few lazy steps towards me is enough to catch me). when at the end, the unfortunate catcher feels too tired to chase anyone else, he/she will jog towards the terrified me and..... "caught you, ha!". well, i can't really say that it sucks to be the youngest. when time goes by, you get the chance to watch your siblings grow, see the mistakes they make (although everthing will seem very confusing at that time), observe the way they accomplish wonders (my bro and sis were my biggest role models), and at the end, be one of their best friends. there are other small rewards ofcourse. i remember when i was tested for my speed in one of the lower classes, my PT teacher stared at me in wonder- i was easily one of the fastest in class without any "training". well, i knew my secret...i "trained" myself during those sweaty moments i played catch-catch with my older siblings....

living with psychotics and neurotics(part 2)

this is my normal routine on days when my hair proves to be too difficult to manage- i sit back and watch everyone dressing up for college. In the midst of all the bustle (what with all of them wanting to look into the same mirror at the same time, try on the same new lipstick,....) a friend looks at me and asks me to atleast comb my hair. i grin back at her and say that i've already tried combing it twice. she then gives me an exasperated look and goes back to her make-up while i think to myself, "what the heck! who cares..."

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF FANTASY (part 2)

were there times when you've looked at yourself in the mirror and pretended to be someone else...someone you've admired a lot (be it fictional or real)?... my latest obsession is eowyn, the niece of the king of rohan, from the lotr movie. i must say, the scene in which she kills the nazgul and the way she bravely goes on with life and finds true love after arargon gently turns her down is sooooooooo inspiring! (i hate girls who pamper their wounded hearts after some dope ditches them and act like as if it is the end of the world. i mean, c'mon, get a life!). infact i like her even more than i like arwen (if i've gotta look as beautiful and elegant as arwen, i'd have to sit in front of the mirror all day! atleast i can reach upto eowyn's standard when she's at war, with her hair standing out on all sides and in that large soldier's outfit). well, here i am slashing away with an imaginary sword and riding on a war horse (which is my bedpost).... i then get a glimpse of myself in the mirror and say to myself, "get real!".......

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF FANTASY!! (part 1)

all this time i thought living in a fantasy world is normal...well, it is, to a certain degree...but too much of it will make you a lunatic. some people have become "mad" coz they've indulged a bit too much in the world of fantasy. when reality hit me hard and when my best friend in college tried hard to get my feet back on the ground (or was it there before?), i realised that the world around me is quite different. good does not always win...men with good faith do not always meet a good end..some people seem luckier...sometimes the truth is not so clear or pleasant... there's nobody who's totally good or totally bad...sometimes the handsome prince might not kiss sleeping beauty...sometimes the beast might not find a belle...sometimes the witch will suceed in killing snowhite...sometimes a genie might not pop out of an old rustic lamp...

living with psychotics and neurotics(part 1)

final year in college was fun. although all of us knew that we had a relatively fuzzy idea of psychology, we could look at people straight in the eye and say without uttering a word-"i know what yor are hiding from me". i still remember the sweaty moments we've spent in class, trying to grasp all the psychological terms and trying to recollect what we've studied for the last 2 years (since everything we learn is connected, teachers keep irritating us by asking questions like, "so who knows the definition/ meaning /interpretation, etc..of....?"). class hours were difficult not only because we had to plod through our memory bins often but also because they were shocking moments of revelation - everyone we knew (including ourselves) seemed to have a cluster of very serious mental disorders or syndromes. those moments of torture were spent only during class hours though (between which we had 5 minutes breaks to give our brains a little rest). once we go back to the hostel we'd get rid of all that class rubbish the way we get rid of our outgoing dresses and put on the carefree attitude, the way we put on our hostel rags....

CALL IT GENERATION GAP

as days pass, i can't help but notice the difference in opinions, likes, dislikes, tastes, priorities and interests between my mum and myself. yesterday, while coming back home from music classes, mum was dreamily looking at the colourful fishes displayed in the pet shop we were passing by. when she realised that i was looking at her, she said grimly, "hhmmm, just thought of buying some fish to keep me company...". "FISH!! wouldn't a dog or a cat or a bird or something that responds to human affection be better? even a turtle or a rabbit will do!". to that my mum replied, "ugh! the dirt and the mess they make...better not to have one than to clean all that mess!". I grin to myself and think, "weird! i guess it's a only a matter of having different tastes"

1 day later...

as i sit back to stretch my fingers (while working on this post), the screen saver appears in front of me (one of the first things mum learnt while learning the basics in computer was on how to change the desktop background and screen saver) and i see a lot of fishes "uugu, ugu"ing at me. oh how boooorriiinggg!! somehow i felt like as if mum MUST have been thinking about the money involved...surely a horse or a dog or anythingelse would be better....

WALKING THE STREETS OF BANGALORE

after my final exams were over we (my pap, mum and myself) had planned to stay with my big bro in bangalore for a few days and eeehhhhhh....aha! yea, cheer him up. i wasn't really looking forward to it, not because i didn't like my big bro or the place (infact i love both), but because i knew i would be all cooped up at home with nothing to do (if you do not take the cleaning of the dishes and cutting of vegetables into consideration). the first few days in bangalore went as predicted... i had to help my mum clean the entire place and arrange things- you know put all the things in their proper places (the fridge was used as a shelf). what with the frequent power cuts and water shortage, and being the victim of parental woes and frustrations, i was going insane. after 2 or 3 days i started adapting- i'd get up in the morning, say a little prayer to help keep my cool and to say hi to the Big Man up there (yyyyyyohhhhoooooo! i'm hheeeeeerrrreeee!), listen to music on my walkman (remember no electricity most of the time in the morning), read books(yawn, why am i feeling sleepy?), and watch LOTR( when pap is not at home and when mum doesn't have anything for me to do and when there's electricity and when i don't have to eat or sleep or go to the bathroom). adapting to the home environment in bangalore helped me to appreciate darwin's theory of the "survival of the fittest". my boring routine changed a bit, when my big bro, after having come back from work one day, offered to show me around. i jumped at the offer, ofcourse (although i acted like as if i wasn't really interested, just in case mum thought i was upto some kind of mischief).

AND THE STORY BEGINS- the first time we went for a walk, it was a little awkward. what with all the noise and distractions(including instances in which some belle passes by and my big bro's eyes glazes) i talked in a rather loud voice. it must've been real bad because in the middle of our conversation, when i had decidedly made a statement about something i strongly believed, my brotherly grimly replied, "great, you just broadcasted that, live!".

i used to wait all morning for these afternoon walks. i looked at it as an opportunity to exercise my legs, breath in the city air(can't call the air "fresh", can i?) and exchange ideas with big bro. while we walked we talked and talked about everything and anything-ranging from very serious matters like what we would like to be one day to less serious ones like, "hey ponni, what would you do if a guy does this/ says that...?". as a side buisness, we'd take different routes to have a good look around and avoid uncle X(a friendly old man who likes to talk a lot), comment on the people around(hey, check out that guy trying to look cool), become friendly with the kids in the block(noticed how cute kids look when they are shy?)...

just when life was becoming a little more enjoyable, it was time to leave....big bro waved us goodbye in the airport while pappa and mummy were trying hard to hold back their tears (what will the little boy do when we go?) and while i waved back cheerfully to convey the message-live life to the full, big bro!

TO THE MOON AND BACK

i'm sitting in front of the doctor and the doctor very seriously explains to my parents that a surgery must be done to remove my thyroid gland. i try to look serious and frightened just in case people around me think that i'm mad to be excited and happy to have my throat cut. as time goes by i find it difficult to put on an act and be myself. my parents think i'm trying to be brave and indifferent to the expected pain. (sigh! when will they ever inderstand me)
finally the surgery day arrives and i'm lying on the "trolley" to be rolled to the operation theatre. my mum has tears in her eyes and my big boss(father) kisses me on my forehead (the first time i remember boss kissing me). a few of my close relatives had come to see me like as if i was a dead body or something from the mortuary. on the whole i thought everybody was over reacting.
in the room opposite operation theatre i get down from the trolley and have an interview with the anaesthetist. i then get on the trolley and lie down wondering why they had to roll me all the way to the operation theatre when i could've simply walked to the theatre (hhmmmm, maybe they wanted to convince my parents that they were providing quality service).
i'm then rolled into the main room where the surgery is conducted. i see four green people with masks and everything (hey, friendly green aliens). among them i recognise the friendly anesthetist and give her a drowsy smile........
everthing is the same, only thing my lids feel like iron. i hear everything the doctors are talking about-music, films, hot gossips,etc...after a few mins i realise that they've already started cutting my throat and i start having a slight burning sensation which progressively increases. hey, din't my parents say i wouldn't be FEELING anything...that i would be TOTALLY unconscious? BY GOD!! they've got it all wrong!!i'm NOT unconscious.........

i wake up to a slap on my cheek and try to open my eyes..."what's your name?"....."huh?"...."what's your name?"..."RENI, like duh!"....surely my name is being written in the book of life at the moment....

i wake up (again) and i'm connected to tubes all round me (two from my chest and one from my throat to collect the blood oozing from the incision and another tube on my hand connected to the liquid glucose drip). i look down at myself and grimly think that i should've waxed my legs. all thoughts of looking elegant vanishes when the drug's effect wanes and the pain increases....well, so much for a great experience...

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

sometimes you get lucky when you least expect to. there were times when you just sit idly and....whhoooossshhh...you're that lucky person. now i'm not talking about getting as lucky as winning a lottery or anything....it is about getting lucky in the long run. for instance, when i look back to my school and college life, i never actually achieved anything GREAT. i was always a simpleton who liked to marvel at small things and enjoy the moment. on the outside though, i stalked around like an impatient beast complaining about how boring life could be and about the little (or nil, according to me) freedom i'm granted. but there were some things i experienced to the full. when it comes to having good friends, i win...and a loving family, i win...and averaging in class without putting in much effort, i win...
hhmmm, befor you go green, i'd like to say, being lucky though, doesn't necessarily mean i'll continue being lucky. one day my luck might turn and i'll be all dazed, standing in the middle of nowhere, wondering what hit me...

WHERE DO I BELONG

being a NRI is difficult. i remember during my school years making the solemn promise to not even think of doing further studies in kerala. and where do i find myself after high school?-in the heart of kerala.....

3 years later.....

i've finally completed my bachelors and i'm back "home". looking back, i feel, college life was not so bad...in fact, it wasn't bad at all. true, staying in kerala meant staying in a godamn traditional hostel with limited facilities and freedom. but i did have fun. i remember the times i used to literally fool around with my friends, try juggling studies and various kinds of competitions, constantly trying to be in the good books of my teachers (not that i cared about my reputation, but had to somehow scrape through without my parents noticing me doing illegal stuff), getting along quit well with the warden and the other sisters (bless their souls) at certain times, getting in and out of a crush (now THAT was exciting)....

Each friend i made there was special. True, they could be stupid at times, but hey, even i 'm a disaster when it's full moon (i like thinking of myself as a were-wolf. dunno why, but it sounds cool). My best friend in college for example, was dead stubborn, obstinate, immovable, thought she was Ms. right, impulsive, brain-dead when it came to listening to other people's opinions but above all she was the most kindly, helpful and smartest soul when it came to maintaining our relationship and boosting my spirits.

sigh! have to say goodbye to those good old days though.....all good things should come to an end, i guess. Don't worry my dear tender heart, my preciousssssss, we'll move on.....coz there are still a lot many people out there waiting to be our friend...let's say goodbye to the past and embrace the futur....

ON PARENTAL BICKERING

it's amazing how most parents have the great talent of telling the exact wrong words at exactly the wrong time. tis somethin of a natural inborn tendency or urge. they don't seem to be able to control themselves. the most irritating part is the way they seem to sometimes appear very cool and casual about it. And when we flare up because of the injustice of it all they ask us in a more or less friendly manner or at times utterly shocked or confused manner, "why are you getting so angry about it?"
pah!!life can be made very miserable without anything to really bother you.
Well, here's an example:
Scene 1: I'm peacefully sitting in front of the computer and watching the movie -The Lord of The Rings- (wearing the headphones and all), when Mum comes in and asks me to help her a little with the chores.
Mum: you could be a bit more cheerful when your helping your mother, you know.
Me: mumble,mumble...(she could have asked me to do it before i sat in front of the computer and when i had absolutely nothing to do)
Scene 2: i finally finish doing the eennyyy wwiiinny chores in the kitchen and go back to the movie.
Mum comes along....
Mum: oh my God, the old man's a bad guy!
Me: no, mummy. The old man no. 1 is a good guy (Gandalf). this is another old man, old man no. 2 (Saruman).
Mum: hum...thum...ugh...phew....(during the fighting scenes)
Me: mumble, mumble..(can't mum just leave me alone....)
Mum: and the little children go on...
Me: they are not children mummy, they're hobbits...little hmmm..... creatures...not little homosapiens
Mum: HOBBITS! whatever that is! (in that most irritating surprise intonation)
Me: THAT'S WHAT I SAID..LITTLE CREATURES..LITTLE CREATURES...
Mum: why are you getting angry... i was just asking...
Me: and i was telling it to you louder to make you understand...
Mum: but you also look angry...don't you know it's so obvious when you get angry..blah, blah. blah,...you should know how to control your emotions...blah, blah, blah... it is important to respect your parents...blah, blah, blah.....
Me: but...
Mum: listen to me....blah, blah, blah.......
i shut up and try to concentrate on the movie
Me to myself: shit! this wouldn't have happened if i had not said anything in the first place and looked calm and composed.

AN INTRO

hey there!!! just wanna introduce myself and the purpose of this blog briefly. i must admit, the 1st time i was introduced to this blog buisness i wasn't really interested. i'm not in the least a person who knows how to express his/her ideas in writing (or rather typing). must also admit the fact that i'm quite ignorant in expressing my thoughts in any way. but one thing i realised was that all bloggers do get a chance to go on and on blabbering about what interests them and what may at the same time bore the majority.hey, you can't interrupt me in any way, even if you wanted to, can you? i could go on and on typing without disrupting your freedom (you could simply ignore me entirely with just a click of the mouse).
Now, coming to the purpose of this blog. it's clear from the name that i'd be publishing things of no great importance but at the same time give you something to muse on. Something that does not have substance, may not be able to get you a job, or extra cash, or the girl /guy of your dreams,or anything that is important to you. for those who are very particular about the english grammar and vocabulary, i must warn you, don't be surprised if i make huge blunders while communicating.......grammar was never my strong point....i just use words and phrases that sounds good....your corrections are always welcome. i'm the kind of person who learns from mistakes.
bitey bye for now