HOLD YOUR TEMPER YOUNGMAN!

A lot of people find it difficult to control their temper. Even those charming ones who seem to wear that amiable mask all the time, you’d think they could NEVER become angry – ever! In such cases it’s not uncommon to hear them say, “You wouldn’t want to make ME angry!” or somebody else say about them, “You’ve never seen him angry? Aaaahh, you wouldn’t want to know!” A common belief among both the young and the elderly these days is the concept that getting angry or ordering people around like Hitler-Reborn helps you get things done your way and that nobody can stop you even if they wanted to. I salute all those who believe in the fast road to developing a cardiac arrest!

Now let’s think like mature adults and reason it out for a few minutes, shall we? Apart from the very detrimental effects of a bad-temper to health, let’s see the after affects of an anger outburst. Picturise yourself in a scene in which you are provoked and you feel your blood boiling. Thoughts like, “I’m going to show him what I am made of!”, “Who does he think he is?”, “I’ll teach him a lesson he’ll never forget”, or maybe merely a list of censored words. You tell yourself not to lose ‘it’…you think to yourself, “what the heck?”, and the next thing you know is that there is a volcanic eruption and hot boiling lava is flowing from your very mouth! The after effects? Well, the recipient is extremely upset. The consequences of course, depend on what kind of person the other person is. If he is as hot-tempered as you are, then he might follow the principle, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”; if he is the inhibited type, he’ll whine and feel real bad about it; if he is the assertive type, he’ll make you look like a fool – you can bet on that! And beware, this might be only the overtly obvious consequence, but that one outburst can start a series of misunderstandings, frustrations, relationship problems and other complexities of human interactions. Neither of these are good outcomes, admit it. On the other hand, there are more pros than cons when you consider the option of remaining calm, cool and not losing your composure.

Another concept that is widely believed (basically because of the common male stereotype developed by the current society) is that you cannot be considered a “man” if you do not react to the situation - the more aggressive you are, the more manly you are considered to be. In fact, what most do not realize is the resultant uncomfortable feeling people around experience whether they are the unlucky victim or a casual observer. Well, let me tell you, it doesn’t have to necessarily be that way. George Clooney is one of those actors in Hollywood who never seem to grow old or maybe he’s got the charm of aging with grace. I’ve never come across any girl who’ve watched one of his films and said, “Ugh! That guy lacks something!” Nor is it obvious in the news about anyone hating him or obviously disliking him. Of course, there might be a lot of factors that contribute to his charm but one trait that really stands out in him is his ability to maintain his composure (surprisingly in real as well as reel life).

In the case of the modern day woman too, people would tell you that a lady without a “stronghold” or a “firm stand” will not make it big in this challenging world where everything is considered a rat race – from being a popular girl in school to making grandchildren obey. What most fail to notice is the fact that many lose the “woman charm” and their dependability when they prove to be hot-headed. In times of emotional turmoil and crisis it used to be the woman who went on and tolerated it till the end with a perseverance that seemed to be almost divine (even though they did shed buckets of tears to vent out the sorrow). The trend seems to be changing now. Now, it’s not uncommon to see both men and women shriek and yell out their emotions without realizing the fact that it’s not helping and that they are merely adding fuel to the fire.

Before making up our mind to change our attitude and start trying to become calm and composed ALL the time, let’s try convincing ourselves about the pros first. I’d like to stress on it by citing an example. I knew an extremely gullible and popular girl in college who got to know that her rival was spreading obscene rumors about her. The rumors were quite convincing and people started looking at her from a different point of view. She lost the trust of most of her colleagues and even a few friends. Although extremely upset about the happenings, she did not react angrily to the situation and relied on the very few friends who knew that these rumors were a lie. True, a few months were bleak and she had to face many hurdles, but slowly people were convinced by her sincere nature and that the rumors weren’t true and her charm and pleasant nature won her new friends. Surprisingly, most even forgot about it and were willing to accept her. All this happened within a time frame of 2 years, but the result was awesome. It was almost miraculous, in a way that surprised me. On the contrary, if she had lost her temper it would have turned out to be an even bigger issue and the outcome would have been the very opposite. Even in such a situation in which she had every right to fly off the handle, she maintained her cool and was rewarded for it. In fact, people respected her even more!

Controlling your temper is certainly not an easy task, especially when you feel that you are justified to. However, if you master the art of anger management, you’ll see wonders work around you. One last advice - occasionally when you lose your temper, don’t be too harsh on yourself…it’s a good start if you first train yourself not to get angry with yourself!!!