MY COOL AWARDS!!

Frankly, I feel so self-indulgent posting my awards and all...but hey!!, tis cool recognition!...Thank ya! Ram ol buddy!!

DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE GOOD THINKERS OUT THERE

Something has been disturbing me real bad lately (of course, other than the "early adulthood crisis" and mum's blabberings and the decision of what I am supposed to do next and holding on to the person I believe I am...). For a long time I could not put my finger on it, but now, I think is the right time to work it out and actually put it down in words.

I remember when I was little, I used to wonder why people thought too much and why they did it even when they were sure they would feel miserable in the end. I used to watch big bro immerse himself in books and brood over a lot of things, while big sis and me knew he was the most brightest among us and when his friends admired him and when my parents doted on their only son. I felt that all this love and admiration was lost on him and he somehow couldn't feel it coming from us. When time passed by he was still charming to me, although VERY BORING when he spoke about his great philosophical ideas (because it used to go over my head). I used to manage to cough when he cracked light-hearted jokes just to be polite. Well, after all the psychology I've studied, I know my bro's perfectly normal but he's suffering from what I'd wish to call the ' Good Thinker's Bug'. The bug had bitten him at a very young age and the illness makes ordinary things look boring, most people around not all that important, blocks out all the affection we feel for him and somehow makes him altogether cynical in his view of life. His mistake? - he thinks too much and he's good at it!

Another college mate I admire (most people either admired her or were jealous of her) is so successful in life now - working at a young age, independent, has the most charming smile, can capture you with her words, has a brain that can match Einstein's and was a rock n roll person during her school days. However, she too was bitten by the Bug somewhere at the end of her High School and WHAM!! everything was diffferent. Like as if, someone cruelly broke her rose-tinted glasses, threw it away and shoved her a black tinted one which she so innocently put on. Even now she's a legend in college because of the most astounding marks she got without putting in much effort. One day I decided to let her know that she was simply the best because I knew she hardly realised all this or maybe didn't care even though she knew. Chating with her made me realise that she was not doing all that well inspite of the fact that she was performing well in her high-class job. I noticed the symptoms and tried talking to her and changing her point of view. Since we weren't all that close during those college days and since I was talking like those shrinks she had consulted in the past, and since she was really cynical herself, I knew bringing about even a little difference would take ages. I stopped there but didn't give up. I won't give up because her only fault is that she thinks too much and she's good at it!

Another friend I only vaguely know but who makes me laugh, has this bug in him too. I simply couldn't imagine how he could be so BORED and LOUSY when he had that perfect sense of humour. Now I understand that it's not his fault and it's just that he thinks too much and he's good at it!

I've been going through a number of blogs at random just so that I'll have some food for thought and I can come up with a solution for these great thinkers. Most blogs I went through were simply great but had the heavy note of sarcasm and pessimism I thought could scare away a number of those around them or maybe dissappoint those who really love them. I'm not going to go ahead and preach for two reasons: Firstly, I'm not a good preacher and secondly, I'm sure people who can actually think will scoff at what I have to say.

Why then did I type in this post? To stress the fact that "Life is so beautiful and all we have to do is reach out to it!" What I just typed in sounds so lame and so simple that it's hard to believe but I know it's true. If someone out there starts talking about the pain and suffering and the war out there, and about how fake people are, I'd say being cynical is not going to help us go through all this, but hope can. Hope, a good sense of humour and love (a word I feel some of us use so casually without understanding the actual meaning.)

The Bug has bitten me too, sometime in the last 2 years but I refuse to succumb to it. I somehow think a lot nowadays and I sometimes feel I'm drowning. But I don't drown because I think too much but I'm not good at it! Moreover, there have been a few people who have unexpectedly come my way and showed me that life is not so bad altogether and that I should relax and not be too judgmental towards others, myself and towards life altogether. To those, I'd hold up the first glass of real wine I drink and give them a toast!

Rampi's tag!!

1. What is your current obsession?
Thinking about the rain

2. What are you wearing today?
A salwar with big brown and blue flowers, my sister bought me with her first salary

3. What’s for dinner?
Sambar and Aveel (remains of onam special)

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
A packet of bread (since I cook breakfast, I make different things with bread-tis easy!)

5. What are you listening to right now?
Stab my back - All American Rejects

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Rampi!hmmmmm...dunno, mayb i'l type it in after i meet him...

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Birmingham, England

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?

A live-in fridge!! I simply HATE the heat!

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Greece

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Malayalam-my mother tongue...something tells me that I just mite get married 2 sum1 who prefers to speak in malayalam to his wife

11. What’s your favourite quote?
The human spirit is tougher than anything that happens to it

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
The guy I have a vague crush on

13. What is your favourite colour?
I favour dark violet but I like to wear black

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
A black kurta which I dare not wear in front of mum coz tis all worn out

15. What is your dream job?

Researcher in a hi-tech organization.

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
Reader`s Digest (same a urs Rampi). I get inspired by even the most dullest story they publish.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

Lots and lots of casual tops (It's time to change my wardrobe!)

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

Me not one bit fashionable...but of one thing I'm certain-that overdoing your make-up is YUCK!!

19. What would you do if you have a time machine?
I'd go back to my school days and punch those guys in school who used to tease me

20. Describe your personal style?
Uuuhh! Dunno really, right now, I just wear salwars only coz I dun't wanna b glared at by da oldies round here...as for the way i talk and act - I think i'm undergoing some kinda transformation and so i'm not sure...

21. What are you going to do after this?
Zzzzzzz...tis 1:45am now...

22. What are your favourite movies?
Chronicles of Narnia (part 1), LOTR, Pirates of the Carribbean, Princes Diaries (part 1), Shrek, 27 dresses...I know der r more, but can't remember...

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can’t live without?

Surma...I always draw my eyes even if i dun't apply any powder or cream...nuthin else really!!

23. What inspires you?
Music and a genuine friend's advice

24. What do you carry in your bag?
My purse, lotsa pens and pencils, my mob, handkerchief, comb (my hair is difficult to tame), a note wid all da phone no.s n important notes-to-remember, my Mp3 player...da rest depends on xactly wer I'm heading to...

25. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?

I just take any dress my hand gets hold of

26. Coffee or tea?
Coffee, coffee!! mum never makes coffee at home-she thinks it's not gud for kids...but hey, I'm a grown up now!

27. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

I just brood over it and keep it inside and just go on wid life till da phase pass by! Previously, I used to hibernate (sleep for a long long time)

28. What is the meaning of your name?

Tis actually a combination and modification of my parents and siblings names. It can be only that coz luk wat I found wen I luked up da meaning in the dictionary

" reni-

 

a combining form meaning “kidney,” used in the formation of compound words: reniform.

---

Origin:
< class="ital-inline">rēni-, comb. form of rēnēs kidneys"

29. Which other blogs you love visiting?
Have a luk at da right side. u'll c a list of "other cool blogs"

30. Favourite Dessert/Sweet?
Fruit salad with ice cream (the way mum makes it)

31. Favourite Season?
Winter. Aaaah!! da cold and the cuddling wid ma blanket or sweater!!

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Noodles, to be on the safer side

33. What’s your current mood?
Euthymic

34. One book/movie/song that made you sit up and think?

Here I am- (from the film Camp Rock)

The rules are:
Respond and rework – Answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one more question of your own. Then tag eight or ten other set of people.

I'm stopping the tag here Rampi!...34 questions!!

THE EARLY ADULTHOOD CRISIS

Haven't been blogging for a long time, I know and I am to blame for it. I have decided to take full, and I say full responsibility for what happens to me. I have decided that I have come of age and it's about time I control my own life. From this time onwards what happens to me depends on how smart I am able to deal with the situation and NOT on how smart my parents are. Now that my Master's course is going to get over in the next few days, I've got to jump to another phase of my life and start to take the initiative to do something. Well, I've already started to take action, and I'm working on Plan A. If Plan A does not work, I know I should not feel disappointed and I've got to work on a Plan B. This one month will decide what I'll be doing for the next one year and frankly, I'm nervous. It's the turning point in my life and I'm not going to passively sit back just waiting for my parents to get a perfect guy to marry me. I'm going to speak up and tell them exactly what I feel so that they can understand.

But one thing is for sure, "With Freedom comes Responsibility!"



In the meantime, I'm learning how to cook and my mum's my guide. Since I'm not so used to doing the cooking, I am "all thumbs" and mum's getting exasperated. Now, I make the breakfast and tea everyday and I'm doing okay, I guess. At least I don't burn the bread nowadays and I think I deserve a pat on my back! The tea has the right proportion of tea leaves, milk and sugar and I don't wrinkle my nose when I drink my own tea. The rest...well, I' ve developed a few defense mechanisms which will help me survive mum's wrath for the time being:

1. Don't sulk when mum scolds you. Don't try smiling through your frustration either, because your mum knows you best. Just maintain an innocent blank expression and just make sure you don't look stupid either or else mum will have the impression you can't look after yourself.

2. When mum asks you if you need some help while you are cooking, just gracefully accept it because she knows when things will start getting difficult and she's only trying to make your dish taste good.

3. Initially, when you are a beginner at this job, don't think you can leave something on the stove and get back to it at the right time. Just hang around, put on some music and give those vocal cords some exercise while you watch the kettle on the stove.

4. You can try being daring now and then but not always, because if things go wrong continuously it might dampen your enthusiasm.

5. Agree to clean up after everything is over since it is a symbolic gesture which says, "I can handle things myself, don't worry!"

ENJOY!!!!

GOODBYE HOME SWEET HOME!

Today the 20th of August 2009, I finally vacated the hostel and to my surprise, I was actually feeling really sad and depressed about it. A part of me will always belong there because it was my home for 5 long years. I used to grunt and stomp around, I know, saying that I don't have the freedom to do ANYTHING and all that bullshit, but somehow, staying there with all "ma girls" made it a lot fun. Yesterday was the last time I was doing a lot of things: last time having dinner, praying the common prayer, jumping around and yelling without a care in the world, teasing the rest and being teased,...sigh! "Ma girls" could not believe that I was actually leaving coz I've been there even before all of them had come. "You going?!!- TOMORROW!!-so fast!!-go after onam!!-why so fast?!!", were the usual dialogues to which I tried to cheerfully smile and respond by saying, "Hey, I've stayed here loooong enough, dun't ya think?"

Yesterday was wednesday and we all gathered on the terrace for the common prayer. The sky was beautiful and the stars were shining bright. For once, I didn't doze off during prayer because I knew that it was my last here. At the end while we stretched out our hands and legs my Sister warden officially announced that I was leaving the next day. With everyone's eyes on me, I felt glad that it was dark and there was just a small bulb lighting up the place. Sister said a lot of nice things about me, which, I must admit, sounded really unbelievable to my ears. The rest listened to it and looked at me with awe. Then they requested me to sing a few malayalam songs which I had tried to learn and which I had modified in my own way to make people laugh (among them my master piece is the malayalam version of the titanic song). Ma girls then sang a song dedicated to me which could have made me cry if I had not lost the ability to shed tears. I gulped once or twice though because I was feeling heavy somewhere in the chest region and wanted to get rid of it. After the song, there was complete silence to which I responded by saying, "Ehhhhh, Thanks". Nobody moved or even uttered a word and that's when I realised that they were expecting me to say more. I cleared my throat and said a few words which I made sure didn't sound like a church sermon.

While getting in the car I looked back and thought to myself, "That place was no ordinary hostel but it was a home for people like me."

DEAR DIARY...

I've been trying for ages to maintain a diary in which I would write all about everything I feel, think and do. Being the lazy bum that I am, I never succeeded to do it for more than 2 consecutive days in a year. It never occurred to my young mind then, that writing everything down can actually exhaust you, leaving you with no energy to actually do anything. I now blush at what I had written in my diary when I was little and think that if I did somehow die young, my father might send it to a famous publishing company with the tittle, "THE DIARY OF A YOUNG MORON". If it did happen, young morons everywhere will be inspired to be a "somebody" in this big competing world (even if it's by writing a diary).

Jokes aside, I've noticed that writing in a diary can actually be therapeutic. It helps you to ventilate your mind (try writing "ggrrrrrrrrr!!..." on a piece of paper, the next time your boss is sitting on your head), make your thoughts seem more clear and actually reason with your (sometimes) "irrational" beliefs. There are times when the young mind actually expresses an untouched and pure kind of wisdom that makes you wonder about who actually robbed you off your innocence.

Philosophical ideas aside, I feel obliged to mention the fact that most eminent psychologists use the "diary" technique under a more professional name - "Rational Emotive Therapy", a name proposed by it's founder, Albert Ellis. Ofcourse, RET involves writing down emotion-charged events and the feelings and thoughts which accompany them, along with side notes indicating ways on which one can deal with it. Furthermore, progress is noted and commented on. It really helps...try it once in awhile and you'll think that the result is almost miraculous.

How does it work for me? Being the lazy bum I am, I will never know...

WANNA GROW OLD WITH YOU

I'll have to start from scrap because I've lost all my readers (even my big bro does not read my blog anymore) and some have even canceled my name from the "blogs I read" list. Well, all I can do is swallow my pride and continue to write bloggy posts.
Lately I have developed a renewed interest in high school/teenage movies and I've realised that deep inside I haven't exactly grown up. The High School Musical made by Disney has 3 parts and all three are superb. Although predictable and so disney-like it reminds me of my former days when all the trivial things used to worry me and I along with my friends used to cook up ways to get out of trouble. Sometimes our ideas and plans were so far - fetched that only the most sensible among us would realise that such plans work only in movies. Camp Rock and The Minute Men were great too and I can't help but wait for Disney to make more movies like it.

This reminds me of a conversation I and my friends had in the Chemistry lab in High School.

Fatu (an unorthodox Muslim from Pune), pouring the chemical into the burette: School life is almost over and the actual fun is just about to start...I mean, we'll all be in different places, doing different things...

Joe (a Phillipino and Pak mix), almost tearfully: I'm gonna miss all the fun I had here (to which I and Fatu grunt coz she had quite a long list of boyfriends)...and besides you guys won't be with me anymore...Man, I love you both...

Me (quiet till then because I was sucking an acid into a pipette): you'll have friends wherever you go (and not to mention boyfriends ) and besides meeting new people can be very exciting...

Joe (showing a lot of emotion and affection): Nobody's gonna be as good as you gals....

Fatu (rolling her eyeballs): Cut the crap please! What I meant to say is a few years from now I'll finally marry Mr.U-kno-who, Reni's gonna finally fall for someone (and I think to myself, "finally get the courage to admit that I've fallen for someone") and you'll be a great doctor...you see, all the things we thought were imposssible is going to happen...

Me: What makes you so sure?...

Fatu: You can't possibly be a nun, I can't love anybody else but him, and Joe, weeeeelllll.....

Joe: WHAT!!!? Ofcourse I'll be a great doc...

Fatu: Eeer, yea, ofcourse! It's all destined to be that way!

A "few" years have passed and Joe drifts off to the graphic designing field and sings in the church choir (I bet she finds the male lead singer cute), Fatu has found out that she can love somebody else after all and gets happily married off to another guy, and I'm still going around having only minor crushes...Life can be so unpredictable :-)...

NUTTY DOCS!

I feel very much like a teen, not knowing what to do, where to go and and how to do what. Sometimes I feel so crazy and weird that I end up doing the wrong thing all the time. Maybe it's the lack of sleep (but seriously I sleep for 6hrs), or the growing up process (but am I not big enough to actually stop growing and start feeling stable?) or maybe it's the prodromal phase of schizophrenia (great, I think the name of my blog will give me away). It's weird the way you go on talking to a number of psychiatric patients and when you start to slowly feel that there's nothing wrong with them feeling the way they do because you feel that way sometime or the other or because you know someone you know very well who feel the same. Many a time the brain gets exhausted and you feel that you are losing control (the plus point is that it makes it easier for you to relate to the patient more). I'm on the verge of embracing a profession I'll be practicing for a life time and something I'll learn to love and cope with. I take it as a challenge because even we say jokingly among ourselves that one day we'll all go mad ourselves.
CHEERS TO ALL THE SHRINKS OUT THERE!! YOU DESERVE IT!

A QUIET COMEBACK

It's funny the way I've been trying to hang on to my life lately...I've realised a lot of things that have made me well aware of the fact that what I do now is going to decide what my future will be like...What kind of people I ought to hang out with, what kind of attitude I should develop to live life to the full as well as go ahead in life, how to be me and live with a clear conscience....are all questions I want proper answers for. I'd like to believe that I'm on the verge of getting all the answers coz there's nothing more disturbing than being doubtful of your own self. I'm excited and feel like a teen although I'm very much an adult. Maybe in the next few months I'll be walking in the path I choose and be extremely happy with it.

AWAY WE GO!

Do you have to sometimes pinch yourself several times because you can't believe what is happenning to you because it seems too good to be true? Well, that was the way i felt when i was standing in the railway station with my friends waiting for the Chennai-Allepey Express. There we were, the seven of us, and for the first time in my life, nobody elderly was there to see me off. We were all by ourselves, fooling around and teasing each other. It looked more like as if we were all set for a tour rather than heading for an international seminar held by the WHO.

The 7 of us were:

Mr. D: wearing a full sleeved shirt (as usual) and not so sure about what to do next(again, as usual). "Should i buy the soap or the cards or a cup of coffee first? or maybe i'll buy it when i reach chennai, or maybe..."

Ms. M: looking around as if she knows all and is the very picture of a mother hen looking around at her chicks. (But in actual fact she was the only one who cried when saying bye to her mum while leaving for the railway station.)

Ms. N: smiling and giggling in her charcteristic "quiet" way (she makes me feel like a clown because she everytime giggles when she looks at me). she claims to not feel excited but i know that she is. This trip brings her sweet memories of those few months she had spent in Ooty.

Ms.D: with that blunt look on her face, you'd think she is devoid of feelings. at times, though, she shows out those calcinated teeth of hers on the slightest provocation and answers back amidst broken laughter, in a mixture of english, malayalam and gujurati.

Sr. T: complains about the rain and about the dirt splattered on her dress(all nun sisters seem to have that common worry). she had packed three sets of sarees, carefully washed and ironed, for the trip.( I pointed out to her that nobody would know even if she didn't change coz all da sarees are of the same colour. )whatever said and done, though, you'd think twice before doing any kind of mischief when she is around.

Mr.K: dressed in a T-shirt and trousers, has a school-boyish look, especially with that naughty smile and twinkle in his eyes. At 1st sight, one wouldn't think he was the tour organiser and the official leader of our group.

Me: extremely excited but apprehensive because i'm well aware that the 7 of us could blow up like dynamite even over a slight disagreement - big ego problems most of us have...

The only time i sighed with regret was when the bangalore express passed by us...i would've been on my way to bangalore and not to chennai if i was not given permission to attend the seminar...whatever said and done, i always dream of that cold place...

(to be continued)

MA 5 ADDICTIONS

Rampi, wise guy, decides ta tag me again...

n here goes....

i'm addicted to:

1) MUSIC- music works like a wonder drug for me...it can give me the high even when i'm feeling soooooo low...

2) SLEEP-something i can't do without even on a hectic day...i can actually put my pen and answer sheet aside, in the middle of an exam and go to sleep...

3) SALT- i like eating granules of salt (when nobody's watching, ofcourse)...

4) SOLITUDE-i 've got to have time to actually sit back, everyday, and think and daydream...all by myself or else i'll be totally out of sync...

5)COFFEE AND TEA-i didn't realise that until lately, when someone asked me if i developed a headache if i skipped the morning drink...

A HAPPY DEATH ANNIVERSARY TO YOU....

the 27th of Sept 2008 was a day i wasn't looking forward to. It happened to be my grandpa's and grandma's death day (bless their souls) and mum came up with this great idea, a few months back, of honouring their souls by having the parish priest celebrate a mass for their souls, saying a few prayers over their graves and providing my uncles and aunties and their children with breakfast and lunch ("Grandma would feel so proud!", mum said) Knowing how much grandma had done for her children and her children's children, I shared (as much as i could) in my mum's enthusiasm and said, "yea, why not?!". On the 26th of Sept, on my way home, i groaned inside. Being a co-hostess (or whatever you call a person who helps the main hostess) is not an easy job-you'll have to engage in all the pleasantries of the occassion, smile in an appropriate manner (it shouldn't be too wide either), serve the people around with refreshments in a very quiet and polite way (ugh!), shouldn't laugh or talk too loud, answer the questions politely even though you feel like strangling the quesstionner, etc.,etc,....and worst of all, CONTROL THE KIDS!...

The next day, we went to the grave, decorated it with flowers and candles, attended the 1st morning mass, said a few prayers over the grave and walked back home with our relatives. The kids were the first ones to gather around me while i was unlocking the door and they pushed and shoved each other, chattering away in their shrill voices about their latest adventures. I wearily got down to buiseness- making juice to satisfy those tiny, parched throats, setting the fire so that mum can make tea over it (we use the prehistoric method of cooking and heating food...we stopped using the stove that works on gas a long time back)...after the initial refreshments, i sit down in the dining room and watch the kids play around the dining table. Miraculously, they weren't running around but were playing with their hands and fingers. They shout and bawl and hooray and fight with each other. The entire thing is a mess and i find it difficult to figure out what's going on. I politely interrupt and ask about the rules of the game and they all scream it out, all at the same time. I get a rough idea and join in. When i successsfully start winning, the eldest and the most smartest stands up and says, " I QUIT!". Very soon, they flock around me and start asking riddles like:

KIDS: A bird was flying in the air and happened to lay an egg but the egg didn't hit the ground. Why?

ME: coz twas wearin an underwear

KIDS: NOOooooooooo.....

ME: Aaaaah, i dunno

KIDS: coz it had it's zip CLOSED.....HaHAhA!!...

ME: hey, not fair! that was cheatin!

and the kids do the red-indian dance around me.

Just when i was starting to enjoy myself, mum says,"It's time for breakfast" and i regretfully leave the dining table. The rest of the day turned out to be quite boring but bearable- serving the kids breakfast, serving the big people in the next batch, sitting down with the whole lot to say the rosary (i slept through half of it) and later settling down for lunch.

For lunch, i sat down last with the gossipy aunties and everything went well until they started talking about marriage proposals and the like...

Aunty 1:....she's a sweet girl basically, but she's a little dark and short...

A2: Hhmmmm, yes, now, that's a problem...

(i glumly observe that their own daughters don't happen to be beauty queens themselves)

A3: and did you know that so and so didn't agree to that proposal because he got to know that that devil-of-a-girl had a boy friend?

A4: Oooooo...what a mess she's in...

(i gulp and wonder if anybody would if they digged out the "skeletons in my closet")

A5: the youth these days are simply impossible...especially the girls....too much of an attitude problem...blah,blah,blah....

I feel slightly uncomfortable and pissed off. one would think that their children (who are married off) were perfect and didn't have problems of their own. I've lost my appetite and i long for the companionship of those care-free kids who are playing upstairs...

A TAGGY POST.

Aw crap, your iPod’s jammed on one song! And you won’t be able to get it fixed for a week! What song do you hope to christ it’s stuck on?

*"if ur not the one"-daniel beddingfield...i'd listen 2 it till i become erotomanic...

You learn that your new cable package has the Anytime Movie Channel! Which movie do you immediately flick to?

*LOTR-the trilogy...i can't cum n do da chores now, mum...da movie's not over and there are no ads in between...

You walk in the front door and smell dinner cooking! What makes you go, “Oooh, I like that!”?

*hmmm, nothin in particular...anything (edible ofcourse) would make me salivate if my poor ol stomach is empty...

What’s your favourite season?

*winter...i like snugglin under my blanket wid a book or my music player n later wid my own personal laptop...

What’s your favourite word?

*nothing....as in, i have no favourite word in particular

And your least favourite?

*SHUT UP...ooops, i've typed in two...

If you could be anything in the world when you grow up, what would you be?

*i wanna be a rockstar....or mayb a yogi....i think i've got a dual personality...and thats what makes it hard for me to decide...

What’s your pet peeve? C’mon, you can tell us! What makes you go, “ARGH!!!!”?

*people talking confidently about something they entirely have no clue about...BLAH,BLAH,BLAH...

And finally… Which celeb makes you go all fluttery and swoony whenever you see a picture of them?

*none, i know of...

and i tag REJOY and MAGGIE...

OBSESSED?

PAP'S OBSESSION

"(jingle, jingle)...hey, mum what's this!....(jingle. jingle)....hu?!hmmm, pap's coin collection....(jingle,jingle)....weird, i never noticed this craze before...aaaah, pap's weird sometimes, i guess...i guess i've got to put it back.... " In many other tin containers and small pouches pap's stored up coins...not the rare ones, just the usual coins...weird!

MUM'S OBSESSION

"nooooo!", i groan..." you can't just up root those plants, mum...it belongs to someone else". Mum looks around stealthly and says,"shhh, don't shout! These are just the stray ones...they wouldn't notice...they've got lots anyways...and even if they want to maintain their beautiful garden, they'd want to pluck out the extras...and...blah, blah, blah..."...sigh!mum should've been a lawyer...she stands up, dusts her saree while triumphantly holding on to the poor plants. what makes matters worse is the fact that that's not the only obsession.

-"did you just dust this place ponni?! OH MY GOD! there's an eenny, weeny particle of dirt here"

-"did you pray today? and yesterday? and the day before yesterday, and oh! we didn't go to church today!!..."   

BIG BRO'S OBSESSION OF THE SERIAL "FRIENDS"

"..and like i was saying, that incident just reminded me of an episode in friends...Ross comes along and says, "hey dude, what's the thing about....." and monica says,"hmm, don't really know..." and....HAHAHA!!!....that was sooooooo FUNNY!!", says big bro and wipes the tears from his eyes. i politely laugh along and say,"it must sure be funny when ya really see it, huh?haha...hmmm". 

BIG SIS' OBSESSSION OF HER ONLINE TUTORING CLASSES

"so big sis, wazzup?!"i ask. "well, nothing actually....oh yes!did i tell u this? i just got through my 1ooth online interview and as expected they liked me and all, were willing to take me in, which is not so surprising, but the pay was low, atleast not as expected...and yes, i've got a new student and he/she insists on me teaching (which is not surprising at all, you know)  and...." -the one-sided phone conversations goes on for another hour...

A FRIEND'S OBSESSION OF DWELLING ON "THE PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE" 

"you've got to transcend reni...just imagine that you are happy and you will be happy (duh!) and that's not all....think, think about "THE SECRET"...it's got a scientific basis, you see..."a friend says while  i sit back and listen trying hard to quip in my opinions and casual observations...

FRIEND NO. 2's OBSESSION OF MASALA DOSA

"i'm hungry!"whines another friend....i look at her startled and say, "but we just had lunch!" "huh!yea, but i'd like to have a masala dosa...just one...tis been a long time since  i had one, you know....hmmm, lemme see today's tuesday aaaannnndd the last time i had one was when i went home last weekend....aaaahhh yes, i had one last sunday.....awww, that's such a long time back....i want to have one NOW!"

MORAL OF THE STORY: we all have obsessions of one sort or the other, at some particular period of time or maybe even throughout our lifetime...it's not an abnormality, ofcourse...just something we've got to live with...ask me about mine, and i'll give you a list :-)... 

Travelling by bus is one of the most irritating things i've got to constantly go through in life. Waiting for the right bus is irritating enough especially if you have a heavy load to carry and you know that you look tired, disoriented and stupid. The luggage ofcourse is sometimes used as a weapon to force my way through the rush and crowd without being touched in the "wrong" places...when i am finally in the bus, i'll have to literally struggle to get a seat, or atleast find a decent place to stand...what with my load and harrassed look, all the "elderly", "wise" women will be looking at me soberly and i know i'm obliged to give them a "sorry" look (now it's different ofcourse....i've forgotten how to look polite)...when the bus starts to fill, and leans to one side because of the weight, i realize that i don't have the space to stand on my 2 feet firmly...there's something wet and sticky on my face, and i understand that it's the oil from the oil-soaked hair of the lady standing in front of me...some don't really bother about the injury their own hands and legs bring about when trying to survive in the oxygen-depleted-bus...when suddenly, the brakes are stepped on, everybody falls forward (just like it's predicted in the"law of inertia")...the consequences basically depends on the body built of those around me...either i'll be smashed to pulp, or i'll be poked in the ribs, or my body may be in danger of being split into 2 from the waist downwards(if a short stout lady happens to be standing behind me and falling forward)...the unfortunate girls or ladies pushed to the back, where the men are standing, will be trying desperately to get away from the clutches of those "losers" who seem to be forever touching or stroking "by mistake"...when i finally reach my destination, i wade through the sea of people to get to the exit, bags and all...after checking if i'm still in one piece, i'm glad that i've finally made it and that i'm out...but this feeling of accomplishment and relief is not enough to bring me to a state of ecstasy when i'm on my way to the next bus...

A CATHARSIS

It's sure difficult to catch up with life and with what goes around...sometimes i feel like my head is spinning round and round....i've got so many things to think about, but i know i'm getting nowhere....i've got so many things to do, i've left a lot of things undone, and worst of all i sometimes feel that i'm behind in the rat race...oflate, life has taught me a lot, but for some reason i feel that i'm also missing out on a lot...for some reason, i feel that i'm not smart enough to learn and remember everything i'm taught...there are things i want to do...things i want to make...things i want to discover...things i want to invent...but at the end of it all, i give up and accept the fact tht it's okay to be "dumb" once in awhile and relaaaaaxxxxxx....i am still who i am, and nothing is gonna change that!!!

AND I FELL IN..........A DITCH!!!

my holiday trip to bangalore started in Jan with a BANG!!...the very first day we arrived at bangalore, mum insisted on going to church ( it's a widely accepted fact that mum's very religious)....since it's not so far away and we can reach there in 20minutes walking, i and mum walk to and from church for the daily 5:30pm mass....on this particular day we were both walking through the usual shortcut my pap often warned the both of us not to take when alone or when it's dark...it was around 6pm, and we were doing just what we were forbidden to do -walking through the shortcut in the dark.... "hey mum, i think we're walking the wrong way! i can't find the ddDAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh..........!(surprisingly i was aware that i yelled out in a tune that roughly sounded like a religious hymn we sang in church that day) " CRASH! i groped around in the dark to find what i had gotten myself into and realised to my horror that i was standing (or rather trying to stand) right in the middle of a ditch. Since my hands, hips and feet had badly been hurt (uhuh! scraped it against the rough concrete sides of the ditch during the fall. Ouch!), i could think of nothing but the pain. i could see mum's dark profile above me and though i couldn't see her features properly, i knew that she was in complete agony. before mum could do something silly like jumping in to get me, i heaved myself up and sat on the side of the ditch. the effort made my head spin and all i could say was, "mum, i'm okaaaaaaaahhhh!!" i blacked out and for a moment i thought i was going to die or something. When i came by, i noticed my poor mum standing next to me, holding me with while rubbing her stomach with the other (mum always has gas trouble in her stomach when she is in a state of shock). mum somehow managed to get an auto and we reached home safely. once inside the flat, i folded up my pants a bit to have a good look at my wound and i almost vomited....a huge chunk of my flesh, just below my knee, had been scraped off and there was blood everywhere. Mum started her stomach massage again. She fussed over me for the next few minutes, applying holy oil on the wound, chanting a series of prayers and at last giving me a glass of warm milk for my broken bones and still fluttering heart. i found it difficult to forgive myself for fainting just because i fell into a ditch...well, we've all got our weak spots...

ONCE UPON A SPOOKY NIGHT!

The worst part of being a senior is trying to convince the rest of them that you are mature enough to handle things yourself and setting a nice example. What with my broken Malayalam, bizarre character and weird ideas, literally nobody takes what i say seriously. It so happened that one day, i was sitting in the hostel mess hall along with three other first years. The poor girls were studying for a physiology exam they had the next day while i was sitting in a corner reading "The Other Side of Midnight" by Sidney Sheldon. The three of them being very comical and likable characters, made an otherwise ordinary event, remarkably hilarious. Sangu, kept yawning every five minutes and seemed least interested in studying her stuff. Her chubby cute face was a picture of boredom. While Anu occasionally woke up from her slumber and tried to study with sudden bursts of energy, Winnie had her eyes glued in her text only occasionally peeping sideways to see what the rest were up to. The heroine of my book had found the guy of her dreams (for the hundredth time) and i was so sure that she'd settle with him till the end, he being a handsome and charming man, when all of a sudden we hear a scraping noise at the door. Sangu opens her bleary eyes and has this quizzical look on her face. Anu looks blankly at the door and looks on with despair. winnie is still glued to the book and seems to be so involved that even a hurricane might not have disturbed her. It's easy to make up a story and scare the shit out of these innocent juniors provided they have atleast a seed of doubt or fear. These three bonkers seemed indifferent to what was happening in their environment and i couldn't have made them scared even if i was the best story-teller in the world. i gave it a try any ways......
Me: " did you just hear that sound?"
Anu: "twas the wind."
Me: "no, it wasn't!"
Sangu: "i'm feeling sleepy"
Winnie: "go sleep. it's ok. i'll come after some time."
Me: "it wasn't the wind. it's the sound of something scraping on the door. maybe a white cat or something.....ooooohhhh......"

The three of them look at me in a matter-of fact-way and seemed to tell me, "you cannot fool us ", when exactly, at that same time, we hear the sound again. Impulsively we look at the clock and to our surprise we discover that it's twelve- midnight. There's an eerie silence after that

Me: ahem, well did you guys know something?....aaahhh, well, i'll tell it to you tomorrow....you might have to spend a sleepless night if i did....you've got a physiology exam tomorrow and i don't want to disturb you...

"aww, c'mon...tell us". i notice that Sangu's eyes have opened an inch wider.

Me: i don't believe it myself ofcourse but everybody else seems to...(and i narrated an incident that happened two weeks back in the hostel itself, after midnight. two girls reported that they had heard a heart wrenching scream from one of the rooms and immediately saw a white cat run just past them and disappear into thin air. they had gone to each room to see who had screamed, but found out that everybody was fast asleep . Moreover, they didn't have the slightest clue of where the cat had disappeared. this incident scared the hell out of a few girls in the hostel. i assured them that i didn't make up the story)
well, it could be the white cat scraping at the door....."

Little did i know, when i uttered those words, that the next day i would be the butt of a joke. While i was having breakfast the next day, i noticed that a group of first years were actually looking at me and giggling. Anu asks loudly, "well did the white cat have a white dress on?", and the others burst out laughing. i indignantly reply, "Hey, i never said that! why don't you imagine the cat in diapers while you are about it! Afterall all even ghosts may need to shit".

NOW THIS IS THE LIFE!!

i can't get a grip of what's happening around me...the ending of the year 2007 and the starting of the year 2008 were simply wonderful....what with the frequent trips to bangalore and the movies and the extra fun and sense of freedom.....i can go on and on and on......and just for the heck of spicing up life a bit, i have these horrendous internal exams and university boards to keep up my drooping spirits....now that's being sarcastic!....

December 20th 2007

i board the train to bangalore ALONE....with not a care in the world...my "concerned" relatives say it's not safe....my friends open their eyes at the very idea of me travelling alone ("but you are so dumb!", they say.)....but i'm still brave and i go ahead to board the train, settle down in my berth and stare out of the window....."hey!who switched off the lights!....damn!the windows are tinted!...

December 21st 2007

i turn 21 and i feel all grown up and big overnight....i get down from the train and look around for my pap and mum....pap comes striding, asks me to stay where i am, so that he can go off looking for mum who got overly worried and wandered off in the opposite direction looking for me.....mum comes gasping, unable to contain her excitement like as if it's been years since we've met, when it's been only a month-long separation....she kisses me on my cheeks and forehead and calls me sweet names(the kind you call newborns)...... sigh!i'm not a grown up afterall...

night: we cut the cake after having come back from church....we take only a snap or two (since nobody is willing to face the camera)....

December 25th 2007

by now mum has managed to fatten me and big bro with good food...it's cold in bangalore and i am forever snuggling in my big warm blanket (when pap is not around, ofcourse...."why does she sleep all day?"he often asks).....i and big bro go to see "om shanti om"...while both of us say, "wooow!now that was funny...haha!good one......" at all the right moments....we also shed silent tears at the emotional parts, ashamed to say that we're actually feeling for this om prakash.....

December 26th 2007 to 27th 2007

we (pap, mum and i) fly off to bombay for a cousin bro's engagement....during our wait in the air port mum and pap deliberately and casually ignore the foreigners who are all set for vacationing in goa...i regret not having a friend with me to pass comments and openly goggle at the romancing couples...the engagement is a small one and all the keralites there seem to be having a hard time trying to look cool...the combination of styles and fashion statements makes my head hurt....but i smile to myself and say that this is an engagement i'll never forget...

December 27th 2007

we are on our way back to kerala to spend just one hour at my big sis's place...it's late in the night when we reach there...but her in-laws greet us warmly and show us the new born baby my sis's sis-in-law have given birth to...i tickle the feet to show that babys' curl their toes as a reflex...when that doesn't work, i say,"hmmm, just wait and see, it'll curl its fingers around my little finger if i touch its eeny weeny palm with my little finger"....and when that doesn't work, i say, "i think this babe's from mars".......so much for the child psychology i've learnt....

December 28th 2007

we are aboard on the train to vellankani...on our way to the holy place of pilgrimage to the church of "our lady of vellankani"...it's my 3rd trip there this year and i tiredly reflect on if i'll be able to go for the remaining 13 trips, my mum promised God that i'd go for......since it's a chance for me to see a bit of the outside world, i don't complain...

January 1st 2008 onwards

i come back to college and i very well know that i've got to face the internal exams in a few days....yuck! life's boring all over again and i sit in front of all those notes without even bothering to read a word....and then comes a brain wave.........why don't i go to bangalore again!......just a small visit....just for 10 days or so......

January 9th 2008 (on the day of my last internal exam)

i plan with big bro on another visit to bangalore, although i know that it'll be nearly impossible to do so....but miraculously my pap and mum agrees....

January 11th 2008

i'm excited and i can hardly believe my luck...i grin like a fool at everybody and can't contain the excitement any longer....what's more, is that lady luck smiles on me and i get to meet up with my old friends, go for another movie, and get a taste of a little more freedom.....

(to be continued)

HUG A TREE

when i was too little to understand feelings i read somewhere that if you got too emotionally laden you could diffuse them by simply hugging a tree. "what stupidity!" i thought then. but trust me, it works. i just happened to do just that several years later when i had this HUGE crush on somebody and didn't tell anybody, save a few close friends, about the craze....it helped me to safely discard the time-bomb in me that went tick-tick........ there was also this other instance when i was so full of frustration and anger that i ran to a tree and gave this enormous bear hug. i felt like my emotions were washed away and replaced with the yearning to forgive. trees seem to have some kind of healing power. don't know if it's the aura we've got that helps us stay tuned with mother earth or it's just a feeling of security we get when we hug something that has life........hmmm, or maybe it's just me losing my marbles!

P.S.: maybe i should start a "hug-a-tree" therapy once i'm a qualified shrink........